Me with JJ, The LOVE of My Life!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Healing Body: It's been a VERY long time since I last posted, I am still working out and dieting.  I have gone clothes and even the dreaded bathing suit shopping lately and was not ready to burst into tears - so that's a positive!  I tried on a dress that my husband bought for me when we were on our honeymoon almost 4 years ago and I could actually wear it.  I'm planning on getting it out of the closet to wear on our anniversary, which is about a week away. I am very excited about that, since I wore it once the summer we were married and then haven't been able to wear it again since.  Things on the weight issue front are going well - I still need to lose about 8 to 10 more pounds and the reason is I really slacked off on exercising since the last post, but I have gotten back up on that horse and am glad that with my eating habits I at least plateaued and didn't re-gain while I was slacking.  Jillian Michael's and her workout DVD feel like they are going to kill me, I even got light headed this morning (forgot that whole breath in and breath out thing because I was concentrating on some of the difficulty of the move and my inability to do it well) - but I know I won't die and am hoping to have my goal finally met by the time the four week exercise program is over - I'm currently in week two.

Healing Mind:  I still have thoughts about the people and uncontrollable situations in my life that can cause a lot of stress and hurt.  I've been getting help for that and finding ways to deal with those thoughts.  Basically, I just ask myself is what they say to me or about me is true - if so I own it and take care of it, as best as I can.  If not then it's their garbage and I don't take it on.  Trust me this a lot easier said than done and I am taking probably the smallest baby steps in the world about doing it - but baby steps are better than no steps at all.  I've learned that I don't have to be a people pleaser as long as I don't hurt others - it's not selfish to do something for me, and not what is expected of me.  This I can tell is going to be a long process - but it's working on the process that counts.
I still get assaulted with the thoughts of you're not good enough when I'm tired and I just can't take the whining of my two-year-old, I'll start to think a better Mom would be more patient.  or when she went to her first Mommy's Day Out and the teacher was a little critical, I felt like a failure.  However, I must say that I retrained my thinking fast on that one - I just thought well, Pam - she's only two and a half and never been in a situation like this before, she'll be an old pro by the end of the summer.  Also, as luck would have it you got one of the blah teachers with zero personality or warmth - chalk it up to experience for when she gets the really horrible teachers in the future. (I can say this because I used to be a teacher, so I can spot a paycheck teacher from the real deal a mile away)  I felt so much better after that inward perspective struggle and DID NOT pick up that woman's garbage bag to carry around with me.  Like I said this is easier said than done and can be hard to do with certain people and certain situations, especially those who seem to never make the right or responsible choices.  that part still makes me angry and it's hard not be on the back of the garbage truck picking up all their junk.  but I am trying, and in the end that's all that I can do.

Healing Soul:  Still getting attacked by the enemy, the devil - as you can see in the above section about healing mind.  He still tries to scare me with the lose of my parents, the inadequacies I feel in my relationships, and the just plain parts of life that are difficult and depressing, as well as my anger and short fuse in certain situations and times.  I continue to pray and seek the Lord with my whole heart - so that it is God's voice I hear telling me, that I can do all things through Him, because He strengthens me and that helps to drown out the voice of the enemy.  Sometimes, it's almost like the cartoons or sit-coms with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.  But, this I know is part of the world of sin we live in and I need to only look up and ask for help.

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