Why I Haven’t Written Anything In A While:
I haven’t written a post in quite a while. Truth be told, it has been difficult to write anything at all. I’ve had a lot of healing to do. I’ve been hurting a lot and from a lot of different angles. Hurt from others, and hurt from within. I didn’t know how to write about it without sounding like I was whining or just a complete downer. Plus there was the fact that I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to begin writing. This blog is supposed to be about healing mind, body, and soul and not about complaining about the hurt – but rather how I, with the help of God, can heal. I am now at a place where I can write about it in a positive light and tell how I got some healing, just in case there is someone out there reading this that might be in the same place I was.
The Healing I Needed:
Here is some background to explain exactly what’s been going on with me. I had been hurting and this hurt was all getting tangled up and stuck in my head, therefore I needed some major healing of the mind. I was angry, down on myself, heartbroken, and well frankly sad. My mind was being attacked by the enemy on a large scale with thoughts of you’re not good enough for them, you’re not wanted by them, you’re not accepted by them, you’re not liked or loved by them, they would rather have someone else, etc. .These thoughts were breaking my heart and I knew I needed to do something to get these thoughts out of my head as it was starting to affect my marriage and my family. I prayed for some help, for some direction on where to go. My husband asked me if I would please speak with my Bible Study teacher and my friend, Miss S. I knew this was a good idea, so I asked her if she could take some time to talk with me, which she of course did.
How I Got The Healing:
Talking with Miss S. made a profound difference for me, as she is a very wise Christian woman. She helped me to remember that I am good enough, wanted, accepted, liked, and loved by God and that is all that really matters. She also helped me to see that some of the people, who were hurting me, were doing so somewhat indirectly, because they just couldn’t see that their actions were hurtful. She had immense understanding and wonderful insight of my situation. She gave great advice and told me how to pray about the situation. I have prayed that these people have their eyes opened to their actions and the hurt it causes and that the will of God be done. I also, on her advice – just don’t go there. As soon as I find myself thinking of the hurt, I simply say out loud: nope, not doing that. With her help and lots of prayer I have accepted the things I can’t change and handed them over to God. I know this sounds easier said than done, and frankly it is. I still had days where I picked up what I had handed over, and then I would pray and hand it over again. This was an ongoing process for weeks; until I was so sick of it I cried it out and talked with God. He gave me the strength to really place it in His hands, and walk away from it.
More Healing Needed:
So then the enemy came at me with an even bigger fear, the loss of a loved one. You see there was a time in my life where for ten years straight, I lost a loved one. Whether it was old age, illness, or even a suicide, the funerals just kept coming and people I loved just kept going home. There was some solace in the fact that they were in a better place, but I still missed them dearly. I lost my grandparents, a sorority sister that I adored, the lady that helped raise me, uncles, aunts, my uncle who was also my godfather, and the list goes on. I started to feel so all alone and afraid. I have cried and prayed about this for years, I am for the most part at peace with all of that loss. I try to concentrate on the time I had with them and that we will be reunited in our Father’s kingdom. However, with that background, the fear of losing a loved one is something that is very real for me and this time it was even greater - my parents were getting sick and sicker, and the fear of losing one or both of them was realized. My mom was hospitalized for her heart condition last month and my dad has severe Parkinson’s Disease compounded by strokes. Let me just pause here to say that I believe that Parkinson’s Disease is a tool of the devil. It robs a person of their physical and metal capacities as well as some of their dignity. It makes people waste away in front of your eyes from the top of their head to the tip of their toes and from the inside out – frankly, I HATE this disease! So I was being attacked with thoughts of being orphaned – I know at thirty-five you’re not an orphan, but I am very close with my parents and losing them would feel as if I had been. I have been praying for healing and comfort for my parents as well as understanding and patience for myself.
How I Got A Truckload of Healing:
I had been feeling better after my talk with Miss S. and our discussion had made a significant sense of peace come over me about the feelings I had of being unwanted by some of the people in my life.
However God wasn’t done healing me just yet, He had stepped in through this wonderful wise woman, and then He began stepping in through the music that I heard on the Christian radio station, and then again with greatest speaker I have ever heard in my life.
Here recently there are a bunch of songs that always seem to be playing on the Christian radio station I listen to, and having the lyrics run through my head all day is very much a part of the healing process I’ve been going through – I truly believe that God uses this medium to talk to us, we simply just have to listen. I feel I need to post some lyrics to show how He is helping me, through these songs of praise.
“This is where the healing begins; this is where the healing starts. When you come to where you’re broken within, the light meets the dark, the light meets the dark.” – “Healing Begins” by Tenth Avenue North
“We all want love, we all want honor, but nobody wants to pay the asking price… It’s true what they say, love must be blind. That’s why You’re still standing by this sinner’s side. You’re still standing by my side when all the things I’ve done have left You bleeding.” - “Undone” by FFH
“Take this world from me, I don’t need it anymore. I am finally free, my heart is spoken for. Ooh, and I praise You, ooh and I worship You. Covered by Your love divine, child of the risen Lord, to hear You say this one’s Mine, my heart is spoken for. - “Spoken For” by Mercy Me
“You take my heart and breathe it back to life. I fall into Your arms open wide. When the hurt and the Healer collide.” – “The Hurt and the Healer” by Mercy Me
“All this time, form the first tear cry to today’s sunrise and every single moment between You were there. You were always there, it was You and I. You’ve been walking with me all this time.”- “All This Time” by Britt Nicole
These songs have made me sit up and listen. God never leaves you, never forsakes you, He has plans only for good for you, He loves you beyond your wildest imaginings.
The Final Series In Healing:
A couple of weeks ago, we had a speaker come and visit our church. His name is Rabbi Greg Hershberg. He is a rabbi in a Messianic Jewish synagogue in Georgia. Basically that means he believes and accepts Jesus as the Messiah, but is still Jewish by following the laws laid out in the Old Testament for his people. His sermons on how much God loves you blew me away. He said, (paraphrasing here): that most of us know God loves us, but we don’t think He likes us very much. Rabbi Greg said that there is no truth in that. We are the apple of God’s eye, God’s beloved ones. I started to think about the word beloved – wow, it’s one of those words that until you really open up your heart to hear it, you just breeze over it. It means you are loved and cherished, above anything or anyone else. I believe that God sent this speaker to our church to wake me up and maybe quite a few others on just how much we are loved by our Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
How could I not be feeling better! Thank you God, for being my great Healer and Comforter.
